|Capturing a Smaller World BW, #402|
It is amazing when inspiration hits. It is like a fire running through my veins, and my mind is working overtime thinking about all the directions this project can go. I cannot think of anything else, except this one concept. I love it! I love the thrill of knowing I have an idea that is going to take off, it is going to create new opportunities and it will teach me something new. I love the fear that also comes with a new inspiring project. The fear that it will not go anywhere, that it will be a failure, it will be a waste of time. I thrive on the challenge.
Lately, I have had a lot of new ideas that I am exploring, trying to find my niche, and trying to find my self-worth in them. Many of these ideas have indeed failed. With that being said, I feel like this project, this idea, this inspiration is different than the rest. This one is going some where.
I started a blog because I wanted to work on my writing and find my happiness. The more I thought about the idea of blogging the more excited I became, but I have not been excited about the content of the blog. I fantasized, in the future, sending one of my articles to a magazine or online source to be published, and of course, being successful. So far, the blogging has been fun but deep down I know if I continue to write about my life and my feelings without any solid content, eventually it would putter out and more than likely my little fantasy will not come true.
I have been contemplating stories to write about, that may or may not included my original concept of happiness. In the beginnings of brainstorming, I felt like I needed to write about something that is new to me, that I could learn about and be challenged with. The only reason I feel like I need to write about something that is different to me is because many of my friends have explored new things lately in their lives and have been successful at it. I thought, since I am not as successful as I would like to be as a photographer, that I should explore something completely different. But today that all changed.
I have been a macro photographer for 10+ years. I went to school for Art because I loved everything about art. However, I am a terrible traditional artist. So I decided to get my degree in photography. It seemed to come natural. I always, as long as I remembered took photos of anything. I never knew what to do with it, I have always felt a bit lost with a career in photography. After graduating, I went and got my masters in arts, because I thought it would help me decided what to do. Part of me wanted to teach college photography. After graduating, teaching college was not really realistic, because of the tight job market, so I fell into wedding and event photography. I quickly discovered that was not my passion and only remained in the business, successful, for about 4 years. I then began teaching what I loved, macro photography. I loved teaching all the techniques and giving tips on how to do it at a reasonable price, but most of all, I loved what the students created. Eventually I became an art coordinator, and I left teaching. I fell in love with the job, because I was working with artists, teachers, programming the arts, you named it, I was doing it, it was perfect. Still part of me missed teaching macro photography.
After being an arts coordinator for little over a year and not teaching, I became pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy, and I was working 70 hours a week between my coffee shop job, art coordinating and my art, it became too much and I had to cut back. I stayed a barista, and put my photography on hold, and with out realizing it, I began to lose my sense of self. It has now been over 14 months, and I am now recreating who I am as an artist, teacher, mother, coffee drinker, fitness lover, and wife. I am not the same person I was before 14 months ago, I am a better person. I am more thoughtful and creative. It took some thinking, struggling and crying but I finally have figured out, what I am going to do now.
Today I was updating my website, to reflect the type of photographer I am now. As I was writing my "elevator speech" it occur to me how much I loved macro photography and being among other artists. Every aspect of it, I enjoyed spreading my knowledge of art and photography, being inspired by other artists, I enjoy creating programs that people can use to expand their knowledge and then it all came together. I thought, why don't I write about macro photography, I can create the community, interact with other artists, teach my knowledge and learn from others.
Now my veins are on firing. I can stop imaging all the different directions this can go. All the wonderful outcomes, the challenges and disappointments. I wouldn't change the process in the world. I am so excited to start this new adventure.